Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
