The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
