There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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