I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
