please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
