Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize