you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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