I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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