3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
