Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my shit smells like andre
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize