wanna go halves on a baby?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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