What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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