it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
