So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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