He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just pee around me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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