He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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