Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
