Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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