Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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