Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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