I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
