well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am one with the molecules
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
