I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
