i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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