Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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