Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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