he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
