PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
