I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
