I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize