If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
