i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
