I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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