So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
