I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
