Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
