Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize