hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
