He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
