so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
