just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
