i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
