a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
