I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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