he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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