i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
