In the future we'll all be gay
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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