After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
