Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
