She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
