well I can't set my house on fire every night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
