Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am midnight drunk by noon
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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