I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
