You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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