Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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