Whatcha textin bout Willis?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
