It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
