When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
