i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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