i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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