His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
