new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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