I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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