I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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