So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
